Things not to do at Hogwarts
by The Mystery Assassin
Summary: Harry Potter is doing things he shouldn't!
1. Chapter 1

Things not to do at Hogwarts  
 **If a classmate falls asleep in class, I will not take advantage of the fact and draw a dark mark on their arm.**  
It was History of Magic and Harry Potter was bored. He was so bored he'd even read the chapter Binns' was droning on about in his textbook. That was when he noticed Ron was sleeping with his arm right in front of him and an evil smile spread across his face. _"Time for some Payback!"_ He thought. Hermione saw the look and gave him a glare "Don't you dare do anything!" She whispered harshly to him.  
However, Harry was already drawing on Ron's arm. The Slytherin's in the room were looking over at them, wondering what Harry was doing.  
When Harry stepped back from Ron's arm, there was an almost perfect replica of the dark mark on his arm.  
"Potter, how did you do that?" Draco Malfoy asked  
"I drew with a marker, duh." Was the reply  
"But how did you get it that accurate?" Pansy Parkinson asked  
"You'd probably be surprised and concerned about what goes through Voldemort's head." Harry told her "in fact, if most of his followers knew what he thought about he would probably lose them all..."  
"Harry! You shouldn't encourage that link! You know what Dumbledore thinks!" Hermione chastised.  
At that moment Ron woke up.  
"What the bloody hell are you two arguing about?" At that moment he saw the mark on his arm and fell off his chair. "What! How!" He sputtered  
"Welcome to our ranks, Weasley. Tell me, what are your current orders?" Malfoy said  
Ron could only stare dumbly at his arm and back to Malfoy again before he fainted.  
"To be honest I didn't think he'd last that long." Draco drawled "you should probably get rid of it before he wakes. You wouldn't want him fainting again."  
With a quick spell, Ron's arm was back to normal.  
After class Draco cornered Harry and there was an exchange of Galleons before the separate parties parted ways.


	2. Chapter 2

**When someone accuses me of not wearing underwear, I should ignore them. Attempting to prove them wrong is indecent.**

 **-Especially if I can't**.

It would have been another ordinary day if it weren't for the fact that there seemed to be a fanclub surrounding Harry. It seemed that word of what happened in that History of Magic class had spread. Normally, it wouldn't be a problem, however, there was a slight matter of jealousy from a few members of Slytherin house.

"Harry! How come you're allowing this?" Hermione said pointedly, looking at the people not so subtly watching the trio.

"Allowing what?" Harry replied innocently, making a show of lifting his textbook and adjusting his parchment and quill. The act would have been believable if not for the fact that Harry hadn't touched his ink and was holding his textbook and quill upside down.  
"You know what! All the people!"  
Harry's eyebrow raised. "Wait, are you trying to say that I deliberately chose this side of the black lake to study so that everyone could see?" He said cheekily "Because if you are, you're completely correct."

"Mate, are you planning something?" Ron finally joined in the conversation. Harry didn't reply, he just continued to watch the people around them.

Ron and Hermione were more than slightly worried, the last time Harry had acted like this it had ended badly. You see, when Harry felt cooped up or bored, he tended to make things explode, sometimes literally. Ron and Hermione had been watching Harry since first year and had seen how his moods went. If he didn't majorly blow up at someone, or set up pranks, he would often do things that people would consider wrong and indecent sometimes. Hermione was particularly worried because this year with Umbridge, Harry had been on edge and hadn't really relaxed. She was sure that this year was going to be a year where Harry cause as much trouble as he could.

Hermione sighed, there was nothing she could really do at the moment and it was kinda relaxing sitting by the lake and studying. It didn't take much time after that when Hermione was engrossed in her runes textbook. It was so fascinating!

When Harry saw that Hermione was no longer paying him any attention, he smirked and made a gesture towards the back of the crowd. That was the cue for the mischief to start.

It was Ron who noticed them first. If Harry didn't know better, he'd swear that Ron was a Slytherin-radar. Hmm, maybe that was an idea...  
"What are you doing here?" Ron asked rudely, interrupting Harry's thoughts and unknowingly playing into Harry's plans "This is our spot!"  
"I was unaware that this particular part of the school belonged to anyone." Draco Malfoy drawled, his posse nodding in agreement.  
"Well, get lost!" Ron shouted.  
From there it was a free for all full of petty insults thrown at each of them, a lot of the time the insults were repeated as if both parties lacked imagination.  
"Slimy snake"  
"Weasel head"  
"Ferret face"  
That was when Harry cut in with "Girls, girls, you're both pretty."  
By that time, Malfoy had a pink tinge to his cheeks and Ron was as red as his hair. That was when Harry became a target for the insults.

"You wouldn't know anything about fashion, scarhead". Malfoy sneered  
"At least I don't need my mummy to go pick out something as important as a wand!" Harry said, referencing the first time they met.  
Malfoy blushed pink and retaliated by insulting Harry's lack of family. Pansy Parkinson and Millicent Bulstrode chose to join in the insult war completely, rather than half-heartedly like before.

By this time, the crowd that had lowly been forming were now crowded around the two group; their rivalry between them was legendary and no one wanted to miss out on what could be the most epic fight ever.

The insults had turned back to clothing choices again when Parkinson suddenly blurted out "I bet you don't even wear any underwear!" Following that statement, she went fire engine red.  
"I do so too wear underwear, I'll prove it!" Harry then proceeded to remove his robes and pull down his pants. There was a chorus of gasps and even a few whistles and catcalls and many blushes.

"Detention Potter! And 70 points from Gryffindoor!" Professor Snape yelled.  
"When did Snape get here?" Ron asked Hermione quietly, Hermione just shrugged, still in shock from seeing uh, little-Harry.

Harry just looked down, shrugged and pulled up his pants. "Oops." Harry shrugged again before he caught sight of everyone's faces. That was when he completely lost it and burst out laughing. He was still laughing when Snape dragged him to go see the headmaster.


	3. Chapter 3

**Professor Snape does not enjoy being called 'Snookums'**

 **Nor does he respond well to 'Sev', 'Sevvie' or 'Snapey-poo'**

 **I will not tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously.**

"Really Harry!? You're not even worried that you are in detention for the next three weeks!?" Hermione asked on the trio's way to potions.

"Yeah mate, what about Quidditch?" Ron said.

"Nah, they're only with Filch and McGonagall. If they were with Snape it would be worse." Harry shrugged "Besides, I'm hoping that Mrs Norris is around in my detentions." He finished, smirking evilly.

"Harry!" The rest of what Hermione was going to say was cut off as they reached the potions classroom.

After everyone had sat down, Snape stalked in, his face set in an angry scowl. "Put your wands away and set up your cauldrons." Snape growled out, flicking his wand angrily at the board " Instructions are on the board."

Ron and Hermione shared a look, both hoping that Harry wasn't going to start anything this lesson. Both Ron and Hermione started to set up their cauldrons before retrieving their ingredients. Ron got enough for both Harry and himself and Hermione was prodding Harry, trying to get him to set up properly. They were trying their best to get Harry to behave for this lesson at least.

The lesson even seemed to be going well, Harry hadn't done anything out of the ordinary. In fact, everything seemed to be going perfectly. Even Neville was doing alright with his potion.

However perfectly it was going so far, Harry had other ideas. You see, Harry wasn't quite as carefree about the loss of points and detentions as he pretended to be. Harry also did not like potions. As you can probably tell, an upset Harry plus the subject he hates does not equal a peaceful lesson.

"Hey Sevvie, are we supposed to shred or slice the lily root? And is there even a difference?" Harry called out.

"What, did you just call me?" Snape asked dangerously, eye twitching. The whole class was silent, no one had ever dared to call Snape anything other than professor for a long time.

"What is it Snookums?" Harry replied cheekily "Don't you like being called nicknames, Sevvie?"

Snape looked too furious to reply. Whispers spread around the room, no one could quite believe it. I mean, Snape was the scariest teacher in the school and Harry was calling him ridiculous nicknames.

"Aww Snapey-poo, you take yourself too seriously."

By the time Harry had finished with his, umm, nicknaming, Snape looked so mad that if he dropped dead because of heart failure no one would be surprised. Harry looked as if he was about to say something else and Snape looked as if he was about to take all the points Gryffindor had as well as assigning detention, the bell rang.

"Saved by the bell." Harry mumbled to himself as he scurried out of the classroom.

You see, Harry knew that he'd been pushing the limits, but he was confident with the fact that he'd gotten away with it!

"Nyah nyah ha! Snapey didn't win this time!" Harry yelled as he ran down the hallway.

If the school didn't already think he was crazy, this definitely would have concerned them. As it was, the whole school somehow knew about the nicknames by lunchtime and Harry's reputation only grew. People were starting to try and copy him but usually ended up in detention. When Harry heard about them, he just laughed.


End file.
